Dear Parker

Dear Parker,

It is interesting being a parent.  I know you will understand because I know one day you will be a parent.  And I am going to tell you this now even though, when you do step in to the most amazing role of your entire life, I know I will not remember to tell you this then....so it is a morsel for now.

Everyone will tell you how to parent....including me.  Everyone will tell you what to expect because it is the things that they experienced as a parent.  Everyone will tell you how to handle difficult situations and they will full heartedly believe that their method is the best.......including me.  It is hard to not join the conversation of parenting experiences.  It is hard to not put your methods against another person's method and size them up.  When you meet other parents and are able to share your own experiences, it can become a huge wealth of knoweldge and support.  Some times you will be so upset with your own child that the idea of muttering their bad behavior outloud, opening you and your child up for scrutiny and judgement, the mere thought will paralyze your tongue.  But, if you gain control over your tongue and share your hard times with other parents, an amazing can happen.  Theie child has done the same thing as yours.  And then *poof* the unspeakable bad behavior isn't as ugly as it was minutes prior.  You are able to look at it from a different angle and find a better grip to handle it.  These hard times, the tough parenting times are the times that parents discuss collectively.  How bad are the toddler years, the attitude that develops much younger "than when we were kids," the turbulance of teens.  Expect to hear all of those things.  And now for the morsel.....

No one every told me about the age when kids recognize, understand and know how to help without prompt.  Little by little I have seen peices of it from your behavior but then, this morning, it hit me like a box fell on my head!  When we go to the grocery store, we buy typically the same kinds of food.  I can't even remember the last time I picked all of the produce on my own.  You do it.  You know what we buy, you know how to look for a good peice, you know when different fruits are ripe and you know the right quantity that we need.  Sometimes there is so much focus on the types of responsibility that we think a child "should" know at a certain age that we don't see the responsibility they already posses!  Example, reminding you to empty your backpack everyday is annoying....most of the time I get frustrated because it is something I have been telling you to take care of everyday for a year.  But then today, I said, "there is a light bulb out in the bathroom."  With out hesitation, you asked where they were.  Got the step stool.  Took down the box.  Got one bulb out.  Put the box back.  Closed the closet door.  Gave me the new light bulb.  And finally, put the step stool away.  It may seem small to reflect on, but you just did it.  I didn't ask you to help, I just made a statement.  You knew if you hadn't taken the initiative to fix the problem that I would have had to take care of it.  Something as small as a light bulb was like a box hitting me on the head.  That is when I realized all the help you have become at the grocery store too.  It snow balled to all the responsibility you demonstrate on a daily basis.

One of my favorite things you do is a complete reflection of the way I have parented you since you could communicate with me.  Since we lived on our own, away from Grandma's, I have found that it is best to tell you what to expect from our day.  I typically do this in the form of a verbal 1,2,3 list.  I love it (not because it is a reflection of my self but because you hold to your words) when I pick you up from school or on a weekend morning when you tell me the list of things that you are going to be responsible for when we either get home or get moving.  You make your list simple and concise so that you can follow your own directions.  You ask for help remembering your verbal list so that you won't forget part of it.  You always sound excited about your self appointed tasks, and typically give little anecdotes about each one.  I love those conversations.  I love watching you complete each task.  I love telling you that I am proud of you for doing what you said you are going to do.  I love including how important "keeping your word" is for when you become an adult...a little pearl of wisdom that I share from time to time.  You look at me and try to understand the how to connect my lecture to your seven year old life.  You are doing it kiddo!  You are growing up and taking on small responsibilities on your own.  You are gaining independence and pride from completing work that you set out to do.  Now granted, you are seven, so these days and moments may not happen everyday.  And I am proud of you always.  It seems like I have these "A-HA!" moments of parenting and bring me such bliss and contentment.  I had one today.  I needed to share this morsel with you.  You'll remember one day when you have an "A-HA!" parenting moment.

I love you darling,
Mommy

(ps, When you demonstrate your ability to be responsible, I smile a very large satisfied smile because I know that some parts of my parenting are working. When you reflect those good things, I am proud of my self.  I hope that one day you will be proud of how I raised you.  I know that we won't always get a long, I know that you won't always want me around....we will get past those days.  We will grow from them.  It is an amazing feeling to know, as an adult, that your parents did an amazing job raising you.  It is an amazing feeling to be as proud of your parents as you know they are of you.  I hope that you feel that way towards me someday.  I'm going to stop now because I am starting to make my self teary-eyed)