Dear Parker

Dear Parker,

Tomorrow is the last day of first grade!  Congratulations kiddo!  Another year of learning notched into you belt of knowledge.  I am so proud of you!  You have had a tough year.  No one warned either of us how much harder first grade would be over kindergarten.  I wish they had told us what we were in for!  You have overcome a lot of challenges from the beginning of the year but you still need to work hard so that you have more good days that bad days.  You are very smart and you understand that goofing around is only allowed during certain times but making your classmates laugh is more important to you.  I know that you understand that it isn't ok to do all the time but I don't know how to make you care about it.  I hate having, what I feel like, too much discipline but without having the consequence for your action, what will I teach you?  Nothing.  mr and I were brainstorming about ways to give a consequence without it being so hard that it wouldn't make an impact.  It was nice to have his input.  The two of you have gotten closer which makes me happy that you have him in your life.....but I digress.  We were talking about school.

I am stuck kiddo.  You have told me more than once that you want to go to a different school.  That you get bullied for being white.  That you get bullied for being Julio's friend.  That you feel like no one listens to you.  I have heard you.  I have understood and taken everything you have told me to heart.  Right now, it probably feels like I have not been listening to you because I have not made any changes for you.  You will understand that it isn't that easy.  We are going to look at house's this summer.  A lot of them.  We will try to move to a school district that isn't negative, one that you know you will be heard and one that has more tolerance.  I blame myself for not paying better attention you how you were treated in school.  I never had diversity growing up.  I learned tolerance from my parents.  I wanted you to experience and be immersed in diversity as a child.  I wanted you to know other cultures first hand without having to seek out that knowledge like I did.  And I wanted to have the tolerance and open-minded view of the world that I teach you to be reflective in your everyday education.  I did not find that here.  It has been to far in the opposite extreme.  I have taught you tolerance, and your teachers have reflected that but the students have not.  You have experienced the negativity of race that I wanted to keep from you.  I wanted to hide you from racism, to never have you know what that was and never perpetuate it either.  You have not perpetuated it but you have experienced it from the other side.  You should never ever feel bad about who you are nor should anyone ever put you down because of who you are.  You are beautiful.  You should never make anyone else feel bad for who they are or put them down because of who they are.  Just like you, they are beautiful.  So, we will look.  We will start another huge chapter in our lives.  But enough super serious stuff for one letter.

We will make some changes this summer compared to last..  I didn't do a good enough job of keeping you reading everyday last year but we already have our own summer reading program started!  I know it sounds awful and boring but you will like it the more you do it.  And like you said last night, maybe you even get so good that you will want to read 100 books in a day!  You are so funny.  This summer will be such a great time for you....definitely one for the books.  In just a few weeks you will be going to resident camp at Cub World.  I am still shocked that you volunteered to do that!  I am nervous about it.  Way more nervous than you, but I am really proud of you for wanting to do it and not being afraid.  I would have never wanted to do that when I was your age.  I wasn't as brave as you though.  You are so willing to go into a new situation and meet new friends.  I love that about you.  Being brave is something you are so good at as well as trying something that you have never done before.  Then the following weekend we have our Fun with Son camp, which I know you will be walking around Cub World like you own the place.  In fact, the other night, mr and I were talking about how you will want to show me everything and instruct me how to do things.  That is the confidence in yourself that I love so much as well.  Once you learn something, you are an expert and you love to share that knowledge with everyone.  Oh it makes me laugh sometimes, but it is so valuable that you have that part of your personality.

Let's see.....what else is happening.  Oh ya!  San Fransisco!!!!!  First time on a plane!  First time in California!!!!  I can not wait!!!!!!

I know you worked hard this year in school.  I know I didn't say I am proud of you enough.  While you work harder at better listening at school next year, I will work harder at telling you more ofter how proud I am of you.

I love you so much.
Mommy