Dear Parker

Dear Parker,

I wish my explanations of adult life were sufficient for you. You ask such tough questions-the kind of questions that I am not sure of the answer. You told me tonight that you miss your dad. I know you do and I know you feel pain and longing for him everyday. Then you asked me if it would make me sad if you lived far away from me with your dad and what it would be like for me if you weren't near me. I started to tear up because I know you were asking me that to better understand you father's decision to not be apart of your life. I am astonished by this. I told you it would break my heart. This made you upset, and I am sorry for upsetting you like that, but it would absolutely break my heart if I didn't know where you were and that I wouldn't see you everyday. You told me that you want me to get married so that you may have a new dad. Oh, sweetie, I wish it was as easy as you believe it is. You want my to marry MJ....trying to explain that we are dating and not committed to each other made it even harder for me to understand what and where my relationship with him is headed. Everything that you want I want too but I have to decide what is best for the both of us and that is waiting and choosing someone who will love you and see you the way that I see you. Someone who will laugh at your silliness, who will make faces with you, who will share your toys and help entertain you the same way you entertain them. You deserve the best person in your life. I want to tell you that it will be easy and while you still have you childhood innocence, but I don't know when or who this special person will arrive or if they are ready here.

As I told you earlier, there are people who will always be a constant in your life-grandpa Jeff, grandma Patti, grandma Lili, grandpa Pat, aunt Jen and Uncle Eric, aunt YangYang and Kevin...and of course, me. Whatever relationship that I may or may not be in, these are the people who will always be here for you.

I love you,
Mommy