Dear Parker

Dear Parker,

Tomorrow is the first day of Kindergarten.  I cannot even tell you what emotions I am feeling for you.  Am I excited?  Yes.  Nervous for you?  Yes.  Apprehensive because you are on the younger end of the class?  Yes.  I wonder what kind of child you will be.  Will you be your normal outgoing, eager to entertain self?  Or will you be the shy, doesn't-want-to-talk-to-anyone self, that I have witnessed.  All day I have been thinking about which side of your personality you will introduce to your teacher and classmates first.  I am so confident in your ability and knowledge and willingness to learn, that I know you will succeed.  You will learn so much and take your own initiative in your learning that you will amaze everyone.  You love learning.  That part will be the easiest aspect of Kindergarten for you.  There is little concern in my mind that tomorrow will be smooth for you, but I worry about you being away from the friends that you have grown so close to at you daycare center.

Liam and Langston have been your cornerstones.  You met both of the within the first few days at daycare two years ago.  You have grown up with them.  They are your best buddies, you are the Three Musketeers.  Today you cried about being away from them and the uncertainty of when you will see them again.  You will see them again, and like I told you on the way home, you will meet other buddies tomorrow.  You will never replace Liam and Langston but you will make new friends that are just as wonderful and silly and crazy as those two guys.

I wish I could be with you all day tomorrow in case you need me.  I felt like this the first day you went to daycare in Dayton and in Cincinnati.  I want to be able to sit with you at lunch when you aren't sure who you should sit with.  I want to be there to help you answer a question when you aren't sure which grown up to ask.  I want to be there when you get lost on the way back from the bathroom so you don't get scared and panic.  I want to be there when you answer your first correct answer in front of your classmates so I can see how proud you are for yourself.  I want to be there when you first new buddy asks if you want to play at recess.  I want to be there when you learn about music and find the instrument that speaks to your heart.  I want to be there when you read your first words.  I want to be there when you figure out what number comes after 14 (you have always gotten stuck there and I don't know why).  I want to be there to see you grow and see you change from being a little boy to a bigger boy.  I will see the outcome of this, but I will not witness all of the growth.

You have a separate life and relationships that don't involve me.  When you were born, I never expected you to live you own life until you were much older, but you have had this for a while now....and it has always been a struggle for me.  Allowing our children to grow and develop without us, as parents, being there is extremely difficult.  When you are born, you become the main focus of my life and for a short time, I was the main focus of yours....that small amount of time is so sweet.  Parents hold onto that time for the rest of our lives.  We remember it and want to create it over and over again, but our jobs are to make it possible for you to live your own life....to not have your mother there when you are trying to find the classroom on the way back from the bathroom.     It is good for you.  It has taught you to be independent, but you still know that I am always here.  And I am.  Tomorrow when you are nervous, scared, excited, or worried, I am there with you.
I love you so much Parker.  Someday we will look back on this day and tomorrow and think, "What's the big deal, it's just Kindergarten."  But I want you to know, it is a big deal and I am so proud of you.  You will be amazing.

Love,
Mommy