Dear Parker

Dear Parker,

There you are sitting across the living room from me watching The Avengers on the iPad.  You can work that thing so well that you'll be able to help grandma Patti with hers!  You were upset earlier because I decided we should stay home instead of venture to the park.  I know its beautiful out today, literally a perfect day.  I am regretting my decision now considering we have done nothing around the house.  But it's good to stay home some evenings, even when the day is perfect.  You started soccer yesterday and between that and Cub Scouts, we are about to be busier that we have been in a long time.  On top of that, you were a trooper this morning waking up at 5am to go to work early with me.  I don't know how you do it.  I can't even imagine the fit that I would have had as a child if I had to have done the things that you do on an everyday basis.  You amaze me with it.  It is something that I want to tell everyone that meets you.  Partially so they may better understand why you may behave the way you do sometimes, but so they can be as amazed as I am about you.  What you do, getting up so early, going to work with me, then the before school program, then school, then the after school program, then (some days of the week) cub scouts or soccer or the grocery store.....you do more in your normal day than many adult do in their work day!  Granted, not every day is a good day.  Some mornings you break down, sometimes its at school and other days it's after school.  I know in my heart that most of your break downs, no matter the time of day, are due to your exhaustion.  Everyone is more irritable when they are tired, the difference: adults know and understand that is why, children do not.  Our evenings are filled with nonsense arguments and attitudes that are fueled by the dark circles under your eyes.  I wish when I told you that you are tired and that is why you are behaving erratically, you could understand that I am not trying to tell you playtime is over or bedtime is immediate or that your feelings are invalid.....you will get it, eventually.

I can only imagine the things that you will be able to accomplish when you are sleeping more hours and have less to fill your day.  I have to stay optimistic that your childhood will not always be this way.  There are so many factors that make your childhood so different than what mine was, but I can't help myself from comparing the two.  The decisions I have made as a mother, as an adult, directly affect the childhood and life that you lead.  I have always known this, but the older you get, the more obvious the direct correlation they have on each other.  And again, I compare my lazy summers of staying home and playing all day to your break-less rigid schedule.  When I was out of school, I was at home.  At the end of the summer, we had to get back into a sleep schedule.  For the past 4 years, your schedule has never changed.....it is year round.  You have not had a break.  Grandpa Jeff has been the only break by having you as a part of his race team.  I have not provided that break for you.  Next week you are on spring break.  I have the entire week off.  We could have gone on vacation to the Smoky Mountains again, but we are staying home.  We are doing the tradition of sleeping in and playing all day (well you, I have a list of cleaning to get done).  We will enjoy our days off while still keeping busy with soccer and cub scouts.  I hope you enjoy your week off.  Most vacations are something that is totally out of your normal routine, and although we will be home, it will be very different from what we are used. to.  The last time we spent an entire week at home was the week that you had your tonsils and adenoids removed, it was almost exactly two years ago, crazy.  I wrote about that week in a post called A Memorable Vacation.  I can't believe how long ago that was......it seems like last year.  My oh my, you look the exact same but you have grown up so much........different subject though, different day.

It is now time for bed kid-o.

I love you,
Mommy

(one of these days I will end it with Mom, since you rarely call me Mommy anymore, but I am not ready to let go quite yet, maybe when you're 10).